Ugh! As if...

If you look at my screen shot, you'll see one of the most detested exercises of the special needs parent.....SKILLS ASSESSMENTS.  A never ending questionnaire of "Can your child do this...?".   This particular skills assessment was the longest and most thorough I've ever answered.  I spent 5 hours on it.  Applause is appreciated.

Skills assessments also indicate I'm on the move again.  A new therapy center and new schools for both of my kiddos.  I wish I could be one of those parents who just moved to a house they liked and put the kids in whatever school they landed in.  It's just not me.  I have this compulsion to try and do the best by them.  In everything.  I know I fall short, but I try. 

Epic Ride

Bell Center Road, Washougal, Washington

The seasons are changing.  Spring is turning into summer.  School is winding down and so are my son's therapy hours.  We are only driving to Portland, 3 hours a day, for 3 days a week now.  This gives me two days a week to take long drives with him to maintain some kind of consistency.  He calls them "Epic Rides."  This season of my life, too, is winding down.  The children are getting older and the need for more financial security means I will be returning to the 9 to 5 shortly.  Autism is expensive.  I've driven over 100,000 miles over the last 4 years to therapy.  Gone through 2 vehicles.  And this doesn't include the actual therapy itself.  It's a lot to bounce back from.  In the meantime, while I wait for the ability to take a job opportunity, I am enjoying every moment I can with my children.  Hug them a million times a day and tell them how much I love them.  Because I do.  The road of life is beautiful.   Today it was in Washougal, Washington.

Commuter and Communicator

Sunrise.  Waiting for my commute to begin.

Every day begins for my family at about 5am.  I have to get 2 children and myself ready and out the door, lunches packed, by 6:45a.  That is when my twice daily commute to my son's therapy in Oregon begins.  Sick of radio, I have recently begun listening to podcasts.  Some are funny, others thought provoking, but I heard one, the other day, interviewing this gentleman who wrote a book about his findings interviewing special needs parents.  I'd give you his name, and the title, but I feel it's getting enough press and I'm irritated enough with his comments on this podcast that I don't really feel like promoting it.  Basically, he equated his sexual orientation life struggles with that of special needs.  He also suggested that, "in a fleeting moment," he was ready to join the special needs parental ranks when his baby showed POSSIBLE signs of physical impairment.

I have no words.

First off, he, himself, could walk, talk, communicate.  Many special needs children can't do 1,2,3 or more of these items.   The struggles he describes are no more equivalent than every other person in the world's "struggle".  Secondly, it was profoundly naive to suggest that in that FLEETING moment he'd be proud to be in our special needs parenting club?  Really?  I'm glad he likes special needs parents, but he doesn't know what's involved.  I'm trying not to be over-sensitive but seeing as he's making money on the subject, I feel I can be critical.  Unless his child turned out to be special needs, then I take it all back.  But, it wasn't presented that way.   It was presented as gay struggles = special needs struggles, ergo, he knows what it's like.  Nope.  They are not equal.

All of us in this life have a different story.  None of us have the same struggles, the same health, the same issues.  Giving press and promoting such ridiculousness only underscores the blatent sensationalization that goes directly into aligning special interest groups.

Rant over because I have children I need to feed.

What To Get The Autistic Child

Note: I wrote this in December and was apparently too overwhelmed to publish.  Maybe it can be of use to someone in 2016?

The holidays are happening again and I am getting asked the age old question, "What should I get your child?"  Hmmm.  Good question.  I don't even know.  So I Googled "gift ideas for Autistic children" and looked around.  Autism Speaks has product links, various toy stores have lists and links, and then I clicked on some website....like "cafemom.com" something or other.  It was giving advise on "gifts to give that Autistic kid on your Christmas List."  I honestly have no words for that.  It was such an uninformed, idiotic title.  What do you get any other neuro-typical kid?  Oh, things they are interested in!  This is no different.  Okay, so there might be a couple of things that are different that you might want to consider but "that Autistic kid"?  As a parent, it stung.  Ow.  At first I wanted to contact them and tell them I was a parent of "that Autistic kid" on the list and give them an education on how they could better approach the subject, but I didn't.  I decided to offer my suggestions to the Google Gods instead.  A few words before my ideas...

First, Autistic children do not differ in neuro-typical children in terms of want.  Do not minimize their inclusion in the holiday and gift giving process because they cannot speak or act uninterested.  The very nature of them being Autistic implies they aren't good at social cues, facial expression, and/or verbal communication, etc.  So just keep that in mind.  Second, the parents of Autistic children vary in their parenting styles and therapy choices.  For example, with my child, I opt to challenge him, broaden his experience by not enabling repetitive behavior (stimming).  I steer away from preschool toys (which he LOVES and stims on) for more age appropriate choices fulfilling the same "LOVE" requirement.  So talk to the parents.   Third, and keep this in mind, the very nature of Autism and it's repetitive choice pattern kind of means a lot of the same kinds of toys at Christmastime.  For a parent this is overwhelming and, actually, it overwhelms the Autistic child as well.  (I actually had one Christmas where my daughter just sat for 15 minutes staring at what Santa had brought.  I didn't know it at the time, but she was overwhelmed.)  Did I already mention, talk to the parents?

1.  Any toy that physically engages the child is good!  Large bounce balls, small therapy balls, swings, balance beams, etc...
Autism Products has a lot of these items.  Browse for ideas, follow up on Amazon, etc for price comparisons.

2.  Toys with movement or educational toys.  Fat Brain Toys is my 'go to' at the first of the season.  There are a lot of non-electronic choices there and they have a broad spectrum of toys for special needs.  Look for things with movement like marble runs, disc rollers...it's why hot wheels are timeless.  The cars roll and move down a track.

3.  An eWriter.  BoogieBoard is a brand of ewriter.  I think this is the coolest thing.  My kids love them and it's fairly inexpensive (as electronics go).  It's probably more of a grandparent-grandchild gift, or close relative in terms of expense.

4.  Dominos.  They are tiles, they have dots, colors.  You can line them up and knock them over, or you can actually count the dots and play either way, they store relatively easy.  Dice and playing cards also go in this category.  It depends on the child.  Ask the parent.

5.  Cash for Savings.  This is probably the most useful.  Many parents are constantly being told to plan for our child's future.  But the expenses of the present don't allow a lot of luxury to save.  Since my children don't really want much, relatives often give money.  I have opened savings accounts for them, that way the money will be there in case one or both (I pray) goes to college.

6.  An Activity.  My son LOVES bowling.  He won't sit in a movie theater and restaurants can be challenging, but throwing something and knocking a bunch of stuff down is right up his alley! (pun intended) I realize few will do this, but maybe grandparents, aunts/uncles may consider.

7.  Magazine subscriptions.  A subscription to Highlights, Scientific America, or other magazine featuring their interest is a phenomenal way to get a child excited to walk to the mailbox and get a little exercise.

8.  iTunes or GooglePlay card.  Check with the parent as to which would be more appropriate.  It depends on the device.

9.  Art supplies.  Check with the parent so you know the skill level and ability of the child.

If you read this and are actively TRYING to find a gift for your Autistic loved one, I applaud you!  It gets exhausting trying to explain to people that you have to apply the same gift giving strategy you use for any other neuro-typical child to the Autistic child.  It's all about their skill level and interests.  Which is what you have to find out about any other child.  I hope this helped someone out there in WebLand.