Other's Shoes

 I wrote this today as my status on My Autism Team.

"Eh, today is one of those days.....I'm tired of the battles I can't EVER back down from or I can't keep control of my child(ren), I'm tired of diaper changes every 2 seconds, I'm tired of fighting to spoon feed 3 times a day, I'm tired of being pulled EVERYWHERE every 2 seconds, I'm so tired of NO ONE waiting for me to use the restroom for 2 seconds, I'm tired of the financial hardships with no health insurance, I'm tired of going to the store because there's no one around to do it....I just...I cry "UNCLE"!!  To life!!  It's a pity party day.  I know we ALL have them.  Type some words to vent, get virtual hugs and continue on our life path that is so overwhelmingly rigid."

I try and write more informational posts.  I don't really like to "gripe" write because there is always someone who has it worse than you.  After I posted my whining, I was going to delete it, but a gal who has a 16 year old ASD son wrote on it.   Her story is that her 16 year old ASD son, had caused her problems within 10 minutes of her waking.  He's still not independent and she's still battling bathroom issues and feeding issues, as she has for the last 14 years.  Wow.  It puts things in perspective.  I feel bad for complaining.  The one thing I have going for me, at least for another couple years, is hope.  Hope I can get him as close to normal as I can before his developmental window closes.

It is true though.  Autism life IS rigid.  The kids, as all kids do, need routine.  But, the problem with our ASD children is that they are completely inflexible.  They get into routines that become outright rituals that MUST be done or their world will come apart.  I remember how bad my daughter was, but it's nothing like my son's is becoming.  He has started one such ritual, it begins with him screaming once we come inside the door, and progresses to him taking off his shoes, crying, bringing them to me and asking me, in his sounds, "help please" to put them back on.  I've waited SO LONG to hear words.... I totally cave at his request full well knowing I've just reinforced the negative behavior.  But I wanted to reinforce the words........
Some days, you just can't win.